


Baby Baby (Talk To Me)

by LaVie_EnRose



Series: welp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety?, Donghyuck is sweet, Feelings and stuff, High School, Kinda, LOVE HIM, M/M, Mark is very baby, SAM KIM-Make Up, Short, and amazing, and hes in love, but not really, growing up and shit, he a scared boi™, how to like, kinda angsty??, like always, love people, mark just doesnt know, markhyuck, nct - Freeform, other members are mentioned, thats cute tho, very briefly, we all struggle, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 06:37:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18204845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaVie_EnRose/pseuds/LaVie_EnRose
Summary: "I can't-like-explain what it is about relationships that terrify me so much, I can't.""You want to kiss me though." Donghyuck points out, eyebrows raised."Yes." Mark almost cries."Yes?""Yes and No." The elder whines, starting them over in this vicious cycle of theirs.





	Baby Baby (Talk To Me)

"I don't wanna ruin our friendship." Mark protests weakly.

 

"You like me."  _I don't._  "You really like me Mark Lee and you're acting so shitty."  _I know._

 

"We work better as friends." he tries.

 

"I hate you." the other hisses, leaving Mark standing there very alone. Very cold and ashamed and hateful-wondering why he has to be like this. Why he's so stubborn. Why he's so afraid. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Mark was in elementary he had the biggest crush on Na Jaemin. Yeah, he guesses, he must've been pretty (not)straight forward about the whole thing-the whole liking  _boys_ thing but he was never one to care much about something as silly as gender anyway. Of course he had to confess his love for the younger who made him explain  _why_ exactly it was that he liked him to which Mark said they played the same card game and Jaemin was the most handsome boy in their grade. In their _school_. Quite pleased with Mark's answer he asked the younger to date him and date they had (not really). They dated as much as elementary boys could and hung out but that relationship pretty much ended the year they were put into different classes and he caught Lee Jeno hanging all over the younger. Mark was a jealous person, yes, but he felt indifferent about the whole situation and paid it no mind. They had broken things off and even became best friends moving into middle school but before that was the first great "love" of his life. 

 

Park Jisung was a gift from the gods. 

 

It took all of the rest of elementary school to get over him for he really had been so lovestruck over the guy. Everything about him, how young and quiet and smiley when the two would talk alone he was that it made Mark whipped for him. Of course he couldn't really have Jisung either since his second best friend ever, Zhong Chenle, was head over heels for the younger. Having called dibs and sourly giving Mark Jisung's love note to him, asking him to go out but Mark knew he could never hurt his friend that way. 

 

"I'll won't ever talk to you again if you say yes." Chenle had also threatened so the choice was an easy one.

 

"I'll go out with you." Mark had answered during recess, breaking up with him all but an hour after math class later, claiming it just didn't feel right. But he continued to pine. Even after Chenle and Jisung became a couple(still to this day) he was  _strung_ by Park Jisung and remembers bawling his eyes out when Jisung had brought Chenle a giant teddy bear on Valentines day, kissing him in front of Mark's very eyes. 

 

He remembers the longing quite well. 

 

When he finally got to middle school he met Huang Renjun in his third year, Park Jisung long forgotten (still making Mark panic when they saw each other in the halls), he was infatuated. Having both been awkward and introverted Mark made it his personal mission to befriend the younger and crack open that shell of his. Once they'd gotten close enough for Renjun to act freely around Mark he can recall the exact moment his heart did a  _thing._

 

He'd simply made a joke and Renjun's laugh had stopped him. He leaned back, watching the younger with a bright smile, breathy and light and making something in Mark's chest positively  _tingle._ This one took him another long while to get over. All of his first year in highschool and some to truly and really come to terms with being friends with Renjun and being OK with it it took. He'll never forgot how he loved him. How his skin buzzed pleasantly over Marks all numb body. How his voice would flood his mind day in and day out, his whole self occupying ever empty spot there ever had been in Mark Lee. 

 

He'll never regret loving him. 

 

Why hadn't he been with him? He doesn't know. He could blame it on the thought of hurting him, messing up, things one fears when they're in love. Of wanting to kiss him because he  _had-_ how he wished he had with every fiber in his being. But he was just afraid, mostly. Just afraid of being in love. And he could never really understand why. Just is and although they're great friends now he can't help but regret never taking the chance of being with Renjun who liked him all the same. How he _hopes_ in some alternate universe that love that overwhelmed him would have calmed some, made him brave enough to love Renjun without regrets and to just take his hand, just be with him. 

 

 After that Mark kinda gave up on "love". Being as young as he is he figures he'll find it some day although the thought terrifies him. That's what's so hard to get through his head, to his heart. He  _crush crush crushes_ so easily. Between classes and even passing periods Marks restless eyes spot another person he longs over, that he says he likes without ever truly liking or wanting. 

 

Chenle hearing this mumbled,"s'kinda sad, hyung."

 

"It isn't. I'm not dating anyone-I can like who I want." Mark says shrugging.

 

"Let the man hoe." Jaemin calls from somewhere behind him in his seat."Yeah." Jeno says after his boyfriend.

 

"It's not like they'll like me back." 

 

He often tries to convince himself of this. 

 

When someone shows the slightest of interests in him he always  _panics._ Even people he likes, he becomes terrified of and shies away from, runs away from and he wants to be normal and  _want_ a relationship but it's fucking scary. He doesn't like saying he's with someone, it makes him anxious and to think of kissing nowadays is just-not it. 

 

"I get like that too sometimes," Renjun tells him, walking along the cement with him,"Everyone says you date and you touch and that's happy and all but I don't really want to do any of that. Anything further. I dunno."

 

Mark thinks he gets it, sorta. 

 

When he's first introduced to Lee Donghyuck his heart hurts. 

 

It hurts so much there's no way for him to reassure himself that this isn't love, that the monster in his chest biting at that wretched organ isn't absolutely  _wanting._ It goes like this. Mark and Donghyuck have Math together. Have  _had_ Math together for all of three quarters and in their last he notices that the younger boy is so quiet. Which is weird because he's never not talking. Making jokes and poking fun at their teacher, other students, himself. He's always smiling. Today he just-he just sits there. 

 

"I have a bad grade. An 89% when I want an 'A' so I'm trying to focus." He tells Mark when the elder asks him one afternoon during class. Mark nods, gets it, the next week Donghyuck is still silent and the class has started to point out the difference in the atmosphere of his. He laughs it off and when Mark questions him again he says it, full slump toward and slack faced, "I'm tired." And the raven haired boy kinda just wants to _hug_ him. 

 

He has the right mind to ask, "Why?" And for the rest of the period Donghyuck talks about himself. About how he's working to help his parents, how he does orchestra and band and doesn't even complain at Mark when he asks about the difference between the two. He's in a group that sing and perform and he's  _good._ Donghyuck shows him videos of his piano playing that he's just taken up, learning a whole song that his voice perfectly suits( _so_ damn perfectly, it makes him a little dizzy) in just three days and mentions his being on a radio show, his straight A's and 3 hours of sleep each day. It makes Mark tired just listening about it. Again, he feels the need to hold him. 

 

The next week Mark isn't up for school, stays home Monday and is a bit disappointed on Tuesday when he doesn't catch Donghyuck, hears that he's sick. He leaves early on Wednesday and Thursday when they're both in class and present really, they don't talk. Nope. Mark catches his eyes for a second before the younger looks away, uninterested. In Mark. Probably the subject. But mostly Mark, his brain supplies. 

 

The following day Renjun drags him and Chenle to the art room during breakfast to turn in a project early and he doesn't expect to see Donghyuck there, dark circles under those brown orbs of his that spot Mark the second he opens the door and all but sighs. Out of relief. Out of exhaustion. He doesn't really know. And Marks heart fucking  _sinks_ , so pitifully because that felt a lot like love when Donghyuck gives a half awake, half excited, "Hi hyung." and walks up to hug him like he wouldn't have thought not to. 

 

Like its perfectly normal that he hug Mark. And the elder can see the way he holds his arms out for him, he leans in for a second to gasp at the rush of  _sweet_ he can smell and feel and the  _need_ he has to drown in Donghyuck the moment they touch. They pull apart, Donghyuck going to speak with the art teacher and Mark bolting for the door before Renjun catches up with him, eyeing him like he's started a fire or something. 

 

"You good? I heard choking sounds like a dying animal-"

 

"You're real red." Chenle teases, whining loudly when Mark smacks at him. 

 

That hurt too much. 

 

All day it seems, they bump into each other. At lunch they see each other again, surprised glances at each other before shuffling away. It's just Mark who feels so  _weird,_ choosing to stay entirely silent during Math with Donghyuck who looks kind of upset. But he doesn't wanna bug, no. So he doesn't say anything or ask about the youngers day, if he had lunch because he hadn't had breakfast like he told Chenle. If he got any rest. What his day was like. How piano's going. When his next concert is.

 

He doesn't ask. 

 

The next week he avoids him as much as he can because that's just what he does. When he doesn't know how to handle a situation he hides and he knows its no good but it never stopped him before only Donghyuck is real pissed when he confirms Mark is ignoring him. When he mentions partnering up for a quiz in class like the teacher said they could the elder lists every other potential candidate for the role and flees, breathing harshly, in and out and trying his hardest not to cry because he ruins things. Always has, always will and he wants to be different about this but he can't change how terrified he feels. 

 

"What did I do?" Donghyuck demands after class- after finally having had enough, only because standing near Mark before the elder froze and turned blue in the face so he wouldn't even  _breathe_ near the younger before almost passing out and getting sent out to collect himself before returning the younger had shoved him right back out. 

 

"I don't know what you mean." he tries.

 

"Bullshit."

 

"Donghyuck, I don't know what you mean." He says a little louder this time, maybe a little more sure even though he himself knows he's full of shit and won't get away with it this time. Not with the way Donghyuck had him cornered, full on  _glaring_ at the elder. 

 

"You've been acting all funny since that morning in art, hyung. You won't even look at me."

 

"I do-" Mark starts and is abruptly cut off when the younger takes his face into his hands to pull upward, so the other isn't staring at the ground trying not to give himself away. 

 

"I like you. Even if you ignore me like the plague. You're cool Mark and I guess I just thought... that you kinda liked me back after we talked and stuff but-"

 

"I like you too. That's the problem." Mark says, trying to tug at Donghyuck's wrists to release his hold on the elder but it's useless with the honey haired boy blinking at him wildly-no doubt trying to make sense of what he just said. 

 

"Why is that a problem?" Donghyuck pouts and Mark groans, pulling away before he does something stupid like reach out for him and he voices this. 

 

"I don't  _do_ relationships. Or dating or even people. I just- you're so nice and funny and talented and small and pretty and I wanna kiss you so bad sometimes and that's  _horrible._ I hate that I want you-that I  _like_ you so much." 

 

"You like me but you won't date me?" 

 

"I-I can't-like-explain what it is about relationships that terrify me so much, I can't."

 

"You want to kiss me though." Donghyuck points out, eyebrows raised.

 

"Yes." Mark almost cries.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Yes and No." The elder whines, starting them over in this vicious cycle of theirs. 

 

"Why are you scared?"

 

"Because I like you."

 

"We've established this, hyung. What's so hard about being with someone?"

 

"Everything." Mark says with such honest eyes Donghyuck can see he really does mean it.

 

For a long moment Donghyuck watches him. Watches his face, Mark's gaze that drops for a guilty second down to those lips of his, the same ones he's thought about for a couple weeks now and flicks back up to see the change. The shift in his expression like he's made his mind up and Mark's skin is burning. Everywhere Donghyuck is looking, everywhere he touched him it hurts in the most miserable way that it does when he wishes for it, fingers that take his face again setting fire to his cheeks that they brush along, breaths so warm, mingling with his own like they share precious air that he really  _needs_ right now. Maybe even more so than the younger who's leaning close, too close and his only thought is to shut his eyes before Donghyuck kisses him. Kisses him soft and wanting and easily, like it isn't any problem that Mark is sort of dying. 

 

When he pulls away from the elder, watching his expression carefully, he lets out a little sound when Mark whispers, "One more." pulling at him to try and bring the boy closer. 

 

He still doesn't get it. He just knows this. If he thinks about it like Donghyuck says he should he registers several things. He likes Donghyuck. He likes him because his heart is stupid and can't convince his brain otherwise. He just really likes him and the other likes him back. He maybe kinda loves him because he's easy with Mark and doesn't make any sense to him and it shouldn't be so hard but it is. And it may be that way for a long time. He doesn't know for sure. But he knows he likes him and that's worth something. That's worth everything. All of the risks and the _maybe he'll break my heart_ troubles but there's always this: Donghyuck hugging him in apology for kissing him. Donghyuck finding him when he walks into Math the next day, scanning the room before spotting him and smiling. Like Mark deserves that and he knows he can be scared, yeah, but he won't be forever. Not with the younger to love and make him a little more brave. 

 

"So-did you always like me or was it a spur of the moment thing?" Donghyuck asks later the same day grabbing at his hand without much thought because he can now and Mark's chest squeezes fondly.

 

"Definitely knew I liked you." 

 

"Sap." Donghyuck blushes, and Mark is so very happy, leaning in to kiss him again because he  _wants_ to. 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah.


End file.
